Children are never at fault

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Child rearing – the most important project for a parent

Children need to be loved and also respected

Lenin once said “ Give us the child for 8 years and it will be a Bolshevik forever”.

He meant, ” Bring me the child at birth and take him away after his  8th birthday. He will be a Russian forever”.

He very well knew that the first 8 years after the birth of a child are the most crucial part of a child’s life. Those are the prime formative years. The learning capacity of a child is so enormous that adults wouldn’t stand a chance against them as far as observing, grabbing, storing and processing of immense information are concerned. Unfortunately most people do not realise this important fact. Ignorance or not knowing something has nothing to do with intelligence. When a child does something out of curiosity, it is considered to be a silly and a childish act. Just because the child does not know something does not mean that it is stupid. It is the ability to learn, store and process information that determines the intelligence of a person and not what it already knows. All children have a natural flair for discovering things and by the time they are three or four, adults pounce on them and start filling their tender minds with all that they believe to be true. The moment a child asks one of its parents a question, it is told to shut up. The child is even admonished for repeatedly asking ‘silly’ questions and bothering the adults! How insane could these adults be!

Every child is a proof of nature’s wonder. It’s ‘life’ started as a tiny zygote to be delivered and to grow up in this cruel and heartless world. Today’s baby could be tomorrow’s national President,  astronaut,  pilot,  scientist,  professor, surgeon, etc. Parents and teachers carry a huge responsibility on their shoulders as the future of not only the child but also that of the nation and the world lies in their hands. There are many who advocate that a child should only ‘enjoy’ its childhood and have fun playing because it will have to undergo all the learning in the future anyway. Why should learning be thought to be a painful and a troublesome process for children? They have a natural ability to learn but this ability is corrupted by ‘established science and teaching procedures’. The child’s natural tendency to ask questions is destroyed. Parents and teachers should realise that soon one day, tables will certainly be turned and they will be at the receiving end.  Children need to be loved and also respected. That’s how and when children realise their importance in the society. Rebuking children for simple things will never be forgotten by them. Repeated assaults, punishments or scoldings by parents or teachers can cause a child to develop animosty for them for ever.

Parenting is not at all an easy task. Even animals work hard to take special care of their little ones until they are old enough to be on their own. Parents and teachers need to actually openly express their love for children. A warm hug can do wonders and this gives the child a sense of security and that of being cared for. If children lie, it is only because their parents or teachers did not do their job well. When a child is taught the value and the power of truth by narrating to it stories of historical, mythological or even fictitious characters, it will NEVER lie. Thanks to its natural imaginative skills, stories narrated in an interesting manner can cause deep effects on a childs’ mind – forever. As little children are highly impressionable, selfish people of some violent religions, slaughter large animals right before the eyes of children! This is done in the name of religion! Such a macabre act completely removes any kind of softness, compassion or inhibition from the child’s mind and when it grows up or even during its teens, it sees absolutely nothing wrong in slaughtering a human being who in the eyes of the child, is in fact ‘smaller’ than the large animal!

I have come across some divorced men and even some who are living separately from their wives, having no affection for their own children who live with the mother at all. How on earth could any human being be so heartless? A child is a child and it is no way responsible for the disagreements between the man and his wife. Such unlucky children are forced to grow up with hatred brewing in their minds. Little innocent babies hence grow up into evil and hateful adults.

People need to recollect their childhood memories, apply the same childlike sentiment and above all empathise with children while dealing or communicating with them. The best way to communicate good and strong morals to children are through stories and not by giving them long and boring lectures. Playing with children , singing, dancing and laughing with them have excellent effects on the child’s psyche.

Just after a child is born, parents need to have an agenda of all the things that they would be teaching the child during the following 8 years. The planning has to be done very well and the steps need to be documented and followed. Bringing up a child is a major project. All of us know that it was one man who caused World War II and all that genocide and the destruction. This proves that one child can certainly make a difference to the world either in a positive way or in a negative way. If parents of little children of today would be serious about bringing their children up in the right way, the world in the next fifteen years would be a much better place to live in.

We need to help children develop  inherent qualities of compassion, kindness, friendliness, decency, righteousness, dignity, etc.  This can be achieved by protecting them from exposure to  violence, violent movies, hatred, lies, cheating, arrogance, war, etc at least until the age of 8. Once the basic personality is formed, the child will never take up to crime or to any other uncivilised or anti-social act. The concept of Ahimsa or Non-Violence can be permanently ‘fixed’ in the mind of a child before the age of 8.

Just as any adult, children too love to feel important and wanted.  Instead of letting them waste their time watching TV during weekends, it would be useful to involve them in the following interesting subjects:

Language and art:

When you learn a new language, you also learn the culture of the native speakers. Children develop the habit of appreciating and learning from diversity. Language instruction is a very important matter. A child is like a parrot and the way it learns a language is by simply repeating entire phrases or sentences uttered by others. Its mind has its own natural way of finding the grammatically correct way of speaking. The most important part of language instruction is pronunciation. There are language teachers who never learned the right way of pronouncing the sounds in a particular language and they start teaching it to children. The child learns the wrong way to pronounce words and continues its education. I am not talking about the accent but about pronunciation. For example, in India the word ‘scold’ is pronounced the way the word ‘scald’ is to be pronounced. So if a child says in typical Indian style of pronunciation that his teacher ‘scolded’ him, it means that the teacher has ‘scalded’ him and for this cruel act, the teacher must be sent to jail! Wrong pronunciations lead to improper communication. Irresponsibility on the part of parents and teachers is the root cause for such degrading and deplorable language standards in India. It is not only the case with the English language but also with other Indian languages. Recently there have been reports of some language training centres in South India, that specialise in training young people to ‘unlearn’ their native accents! How atrocious and ingenious too ! Had the teachers learned the language correctly before attempting to teach it to children, these young people would not have had this problem at all. In school it is generally mandatory for children to obey teachers and follow exactly what they are taught. That is precisely what the children did!

Teaching children to speak a language correctly is a wonderful way to help them develop the sense of perfection. The child becomes obsessed with quality consciousness and that will be reflected on everything that the child will do later on life.

Art:

A child is basically very creative just as our ancestors were, but for whom we wouldn’t have had all the discoveries, inventions and the kind of technological advancements that we have today. Encouraging a child to develop its creativity, keeps the child occupied, gives it a sense of pride for having created something and of course develops the sense of aesthetics in it. A child that has tasted art, looks at nature as a very large piece of art and automatically learns to love and respect it. All kinds of art forms have amazing effects on the character of child and this shapes its mind into that of a fine, kind and a considerate human being.

Pregnant women who regularly listen to soothing classical music invariably give birth to children with a natural talent for music. Teaching music to young children has a very powerful effect on their general nature. They tend to be more affable and gentle. Music plays a very great role in shaping the character of children.

Mathematics:

When little children are taught mathematics the fun way, they fall in love with this amazing subject. This creates  a strong sense of logic in them, develops quick thinking and memory. It is actually some people from older generations who don’t like Math, that ‘pass on’ to their children their dislike for it. I have come across many children who did not like math but on showing them the way they could have fun with math, they not only started to love math, but also turned into mathematical experts.

Sport:

Introducing children to regular sport makes them not only very healthy but also helps develop two major qualities in them – team spirit and the desire to win.

Internet:

Leading search engines have replaced large libraries and through these search engines, any kind of information can be acquired within seconds. Children need to be trained to use the Internet, of course under strict supervision. Discussing with them what they learned about history, geography, computers, automobiles, aircrafts, etc., encourages children to always remain hungry for knowledge. This strengthens the drive within them to stay abreast with the developments in ever-changing modern world.

Generation gaps are caused due to the fact that adults don’t ‘grow up’ the way children do.

0 thoughts on “Children are never at fault

  1. Dear Sir,

    thank you very much for this post which I consider most valuable to parents of little children.
    This is a whole new way of treating children. And I fully agree with you that we adults must think of our childhood and try to understand children better from their point of view.

    The Skype talk with you was so refreshing that I felt as if I was sleeping all these years and now I am a new man. There are so many things that normally we take for granted, but you have studied so many subjects in detail. The way you explain is so nice and easy to understand. I don’t think anybody will disagree with what you have said in your post.

    I wish many more people talk to you and benefit from you. You are doing a very great service to the society by removing confusion and doubt from their minds.

    Yes Sir, these little kids of today are the ones who will run the world very soon! That is fantastic what you said! I feel so nice to look at my 3 year old child and to imagine and believe that he will be some important man in the world when he grows up!

    Thanks again Sir. I wish you and your family all the very best.

    Please continue to guide us

    Kind regards

  2. Namaste Tavamithram ji,

    thank you soo much for this wonderful post…each child is a blessing from God..
    with an unique talent of their own..!!! wish every parent realize it and nurture it…!!

  3. Thank you Tava mitram ji for reconfirming my way of rearing children. when my daughter was 5yrs old i would often recollect my childhood and at that age what were my needs / wants. and how my parents had reacted to them. some of my parents thoughts / thinking were not correct( i felt it as wrong then and even after i became a father). so in same situation now, i would do what i wished my parents had done( but did not do).
    for eg, giving freedom to explore new things, encouraging for sports / extra curricular activity, giving me choice of selecting my subjects after 10th etc.
    now my daughter is 14 and am still doing the same. that’s recollecting what i craved for or wanted and similarly providing her .

    1. Namaste bro Vinod,

      somehow I feel that you have not understood what exactly I tried to say through the post. I do not suggest the idea that children must be allowed to do whatever they wish to do. What I believe is that parents need to closely observe their children to identify inborn talents in them and then guide them further in that direction. Allowing children to do whatever they wish to do is certainly not advisable. I have come across many people in their early twenties who actually blame their parents for having ‘allowed them to do whatever they wanted to do’! These young people tell their parents that as parents they should have properly ‘guided’ them as they were only children then.

      In my opinion, parents should on their own, make a list of potential subjects that they may wish the child to pursue. They can then gently nudge them in these few different directions to identify inborn talents and interests in the child. It is possible that some parents want their child to be sportsman but the child is actually interested in music. This needs to be identified before the age of 6-7 years.

      The most important thing is to respect children and to never scream or shout at them. If a child is doing something wrong, it clearly indicates that the parents and teachers have not done their job well. Remember, these little children were very tiny babies a few years ago. They have no right to shout at the child or insult it.

      Parents must speak with their children and develop open, honest and interesting communication. All children are basically more intelligent than the previous generation but they should also be taught to respect older people and learn from their experience and wisdom. Children hate lectures and boring talks. It is not only waste of time but it also does not impress them. Instead, most facts and morals can be communicated to them in the form of interesting stories. Parents must spend sufficient and quality time with their children during their formative years. Leaving children under the care of a nanny or an au pair, is most certainly not good for the development of the child and also not good for the development of a strong bond between parents and their children.

      In a few weeks, I will be presenting a true story of a couple with one child. What happened, what decisions they took and what the results have been so far, will be presented in steps. The story may be an eye opener for many.

      May God Bless you and your family

      Jai Shree Krishna

      1. As usual Sir , excellent information , ‘Parenting’ one of the much needed area to learn and implement..
        Eagerly awaiting for the true story of couple .

        Best Regards,
        Chandrashekar

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